“Are Some Things Better Off Not Said?”

— April 27th, 2006 —

I know, I know… I haven't written here in a while. No excuses. I'm here now, so everyone can breathe a sigh of relief.

Lately, I have been looking in the "man in the mirror." Not hoping to mirror the careers of MiJac and 50 Cent, but, I am trying to figure out things within my life. There has been on transitional phase within the storybook that is my existence. I am single. This is the first time (and probably the last) that I'll write about this. 

It was said to me that my friends were the culprit in destroying a burgeoning relationship that was seemingly headed down the road of Bobby and Whitney. That I justified their actions, while allowing outside influences to tear us apart. I really don't know. In my heart, I apologized for my part in our story and went on to have one of the most realest conversations with my former other half. In the end, I am trying to come to the conclusion about two things.

  1. How am I going to live my life?
  2. Where do I go from here?

What I have noticed is that I do not know what my legacy is while being on this playing field. That lightweight urks me. Because I sometimes feel as if I am not respected by my peers and friends. It's as if everyone seems to take me for granted, including myself from time to time. My ex told me the other day that those same friends are the one's talking to her about me, negatively, behind my back. My thought is that if that is true and you pay it no mind, that's fine — but why allow the same phony-ness to continue to be in my area. Friend or no friend, if I know that that person is a grimey-ass person, then I will tell you and I'll ride for you in making sure that neither one of us gives that person the time of day to continue to be a negative influence.

I am in a transitional period in my life. I feel it in the air, like my name was Beanie Siegel. I look to my past and I see that I was truly happy, regardless of the outcome of my relationship. But that I understood that there were some things that I would no longer stand for. I look at the life that I am living now, as a single black man and I see that the perks a re not necessarily all that great. But the stress and the room for error is minimum.

By using relationships as a means of holding a title (boyfriend, girlfriend) allows the person no room for error. Man, woman, whomever places so much into those words that the goal and the road to get there become blurred. In the movie, "A Bronx Tale" came this quote:

"You gotta do what your heart tells you to do. Let me tell you somethin' right now. You're only allowed three great women in your lifetime. They come along like the great fighters, every ten years. Rocky Marciano. Sugar Ray Robinson. Joe Louis. Sometimes you get 'em all at once. Me? I had my three when I was 16. That happens. What are you gonna do? That's the way it goes, you know? Tell you right now. See this girl? Maybe this girl, she put wind in your sails. Maybe she's your first great one."

I still feel her coursing through my veins and I would be a fool to not believe that the same can be said on her end. One of the hardest things to do in life is to step forward on a decision. I am not the smartest, sexiest, strongest, or any other "s" word that you can inject, but I do know that a heart has a conscious.

Those three words once uttered meant everything and I spent life and limb trying to make sure that those would be the same words heard until my life is no more. My ex and I have had differences that were many. Yet, the love was still there. I do not know where I am going. The road to happiness is, indeed, a blur — with obstacles and alternate routes diverting away from the goal. Is she the one for me? My heart and mind battle on that. But my actions have been soften, along with my tone. I see my actions and the part that I played in this story as being heinous. I just don't know where I'll end up.

Through it all, the missteps, the mistakes, and the love — are some things better off not said? 

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4 Responses to ““Are Some Things Better Off Not Said?””

  1. G. Cornelius Says:

    Damn…Been there…And still there…I’ll keep you posted

  2. G. Cornelius Says:

    And I posted the picture this time…My bad…I’ll keep you posted

  3. Dayrell Says:

    where ya been kev?

  4. Dayrell Says:

    new spot:

    dayrell.blogspot.com

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