“Is The Door Open or Closed?”

— November 13th, 2006 —

Eight more days till that good ole’ born-day.

Also check out the interview with Akon, the Breeding Ground piece featuring Vallejo, Californian — Willie Joe, and my review of bang-bang-shoot-’em-up, Scarface.

Today, I want to talk about trust.

That ever elusive word that gets labeled to those who feel that they’re able to carry the brunt of its weight. Trust. Not the type where you expect someone to pay you back that five beans that you loaned to someone. I’m talking about the type where hearts and souls are on the line.

In my life, a lot of people have come and go, yet a few characters remain the same. For that, I love them all, for who they are. But for those who have gone, some had my trust, whereas others could never get in to see if it was visible. I had a habit of not letting too many people in because of two reasons:

  1. I felt like people couldn’t understand my position, and therefore, couldn’t help me out if I was in trouble or needed advice.
  2. People fail you and I didn’t want to live with the scars of careless hands.

Over the years, it has eased up, but as I approach another year of successful living on this Earth, I realize that some habits are hard to break. Just how it is hard to let past transgression die, it is dreadfully hard to allow someone backstage access into your life.

There is one in particular who has gained a welcomed access and I appreciate the continued kind words, especially as my lofty dreams sometime fall by the wayside (for the time being). So, to her, I say…

Even though you may be #2 in Jay’s mind…
You’re #1 in mines and for that you’ll forever be a diamond that shines…

What’s the point of this post? I guess it’s to analyze why people have a hard time trusting. Your parents always told you to never talk to strangers, but if you never did — who would be your friend? I met Luce that way. Gail too. Most of my friends who I put in that place of those that I “fucks with” were people whom I met in seemingly random scenarios.

The Dorsey Twins — hell… I met them lil’ buggers before the glitz and glam. It was at our prom in high school. They had a circle of people around them. They were trying to dance and be the life of the party. But that was my slot. I was Mr. King o of the Dancehall in high school (and till this day). So, I hopped up into the spot and we went back and forth. From there our friendship has had its share of ups and down, but those are my brothers. No matter what. They’ll be the uncles of my unborn children. The best men (with Rob Hicks) at my wedding. The men who I call family till my last breath.

Samantha Broaddus — I’ve known her forever and a day. The consciousness of our collective, she’s been able to bend my ear to a different way of thinking about certain things. She is a truly unique and special individual who deserves a lot more than what is always presented. She is more of an older sister to me than my actual older sisters (half). Her and a few others are in my life for the long haul and I appreciate every moment that’s been given by you all (can’t go into all or else this’ll be a eight page post…)

But everyone has their limits when it comes to trust. You wouldn’t let all your stuff out for a person you met yesterday. So, how do you gauge a person’s trustworthiness? An act can be played on anyone, so… how do you know genuine from being phony?

I would hope that the people who are in my circle (newly initiated and veterans, alike) know that they are loved and appreciated in their own special way. I may have my fears and my doubts about how people will ultimately do you wrong in the end, but y’all haven’t and have stayed true to the fullest. So, kudos to y’all.

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