“Life And The Dead Guy”

— January 9th, 2007 —

There was a man in the corner of the room. His eyes spelled destruction. He spoke with a silver tongue, as his words caressed the joys of sin. But he looked at me with forgiveness and realized that I could never fill his shoes. I didn’t want to, but his story was seductive.

I know it doesn’t make sense, but I’m just writing, you dig…

But I am realizing that at 24-years-old, that I’m not the guy that I used to be. I’m not 19, past the 21 mark and looking down the barrel of 30’s gun as I keep trucking through life’s path. It’s scary when you know you’re not the “big dog” anymore. Even worst when you look back on your history and realize that you have never been the big dog. Your claim to fame is being able to write. Your friends are more popular than you’ll ever be. And the single defining moment of your legacy would be the fact that you’ve helped so many others get great grades, work through their relationship issues, and given aid when needed.

Whatta run, huh?

As I look into this mirror that reflects back to me all my faults, I realize that it hasn’t been that bad of a road. I could be Somalian. I could be homeless in New York. I could be mentally retarded. But I am not. I am single, intelligent, and driven to succeed in this big pond known as Earth. I dream big, but I take the steps needed to be able to make it in this world. The friends that I have are true. The Lord, the truth, all that would make it evident if it was otherwise.

I have been more honest with myself these past two years, than I have my entire existence. So, for that, I know that the being faced with my mortality is a means of growing. I know it doesn’t make sense to you, hell.. it doesn’t make sense to me. But that’s the pleasure in unknowning. The sweet satisfaction of finding out.

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One Response to ““Life And The Dead Guy””

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